‘Cause I’m a Mother ‘effin Monster!

Happy Halloween! You might be sitting on your row home stoop passing out candy or already wearing a costume at your desk this morning. But either way, there’s one thing most of us are at fault for- being slutty at least one Halloween in our lives.

That year for me was freshman year of college,  fall of 2006. And being a lifelong Cincinnati Reds baseball fan, my dorm mate said she had a girls’ red baseball player uniform. PERFECT! Then… I put it on. At 125 pounds, my cheeks were still hanging out (yes, my butt cheeks. We’re all adults here.)

I grinned and bared it (pun intended), thinking this was the thing to do. I was in college, I needed to look like a woman. But does  looking like a woman mean looking desperate for men ogling my goods? The worst was still to come- as I stood in the frat house bathroom, I did the half angle turn to check out my backside when I realized my jersey number was the ever naughty- 69. The modest country girl in me was mortified! WHY?! Why the sexual innuendos?! When my male counterparts purchase sports themed costumes they don the standard 00 or self- proclaimed #1. But me, full academic ride, editor in chief of her school paper, prude of a freshman- I get to rock 69 and let frat stars think of sex positions. Cool.

Almost a decade later and I have never gone full slut again. I like being warm, I like having fun without worrying about what’s showing, and I think having my tits and ass covered actually show I’m that confident, not the other way around.

And to further support my theory- please check out these killer women at the Brave New Voices Grand Slam Finals in 2013.

*Editor’s note: And you should totally support these young ladies: Hannah Halpern (@hanhalp), Amina Iro (@FlipsHijab), Reina Privado (@PoetryAndCurls), and Asha Gardner (@AshaGPoet). You can go and “like”  on Facebook here too.  Spread that lemon love to these rockstars.

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